Sunday, January 20, 2008


I find that timing is everything in life. I wish I had better timing. So many times I am too early or too late in something. With relationships, I find that is definitely true. I wish I could be who I want to be for people.

With my mom gone I have really had to reevaluate who I am and how that affects others. I find it fairly ironic that I look like my mom in more ways than one, but I am definitely my father's daughter. I did not acquire many of the people skills that my mom has. I did, in fact, inherit much of the lack of people skills that my father has.

The amusing thing is that my husband really is not better than I am. How did that happen? Usually you find a balance in a marriage, one is very social and the other less social. That is not mine and Jeremy's marriage though. We both struggle with being social.

Not social in the sense that we do not want to be around people, more in the sense that neither one of us have really deep relationships with those outside of our family.

You know I am trying to express things that I have not fully developed in my brain. I guess I just write this to let you know that I am trying. Or at least, I am aware. I am not sure what to do about it, but God is in on it and hopefully he will have a fix for it soon.

God knows I need friends and so do I. I am just not sure how to cultivate them.
So here I am just recording my thoughts to hold myself accountable. For tonight I find that I have searched my soul enough. Maybe tomorrow will bring illumination to the questions and help in finding the answers.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008


I am sitting here thinking of how easy my life is. I am buying things off Ebay. Thinking about what I will fix my family for dinner knowing that the food is there and if it weren't I could got to the store with no fear for my life and get more.

My power went out two different times today and I began to think what would I do if this were a permanent thing. Would I be ready for such a situation? I am not sure if I would.

My family is living in a land that 1000s are fleeing. They know that their lives are in grave danger and so they are leaving. They are leaving with the very little they have and they are seeing their homes burning behind them. Have you ever thought about someone running you out of your home? I cannot imagine being in so much fear for my life that I would need to move to another state or country.

My parents are well at this time. The situation is becoming more tense and from our news media it looks like they are on the verge of civil war. Anyone watch the movie, Hotel Rwanda? One news venue remarked how the situation was becoming close to that one.

I personally have never seen it. I watch movies for entertainment. I must admit that I am shallow in that way. I do not want to be depressed or sad after watching a movie, but I know what it is about. And I now know that my parents are living the reality of it.

If you are interested in keeping up to date regarding my family, please go to I will be doing the upkeep on my mom's blog while she is not able to.

Please continue to pray. God knows. I believe that He is holding my family in the palm of His hand. He will keep careful watch over them. I do not know what the final outcome of this situation will be, but I know that God is good. So I am looking for His goodness.

Draw close to those you love, because one day they will not be there.