Time

Do you ever wonder how so much time can pass and you did not even realize it? My family moved to Kenya almost three months ago. It has seemed long, but then it hasn't. My daughter turned 12 in October. How the heck did that happen? When did I give her the okay to turn 12 and become an almost-teenager? Which I think is just as bad as being a teenager, because they can feel that change is coming but they do not fully understand it. Like any of us understand change.
Okay, well, life is much better than I am making it out. God has abundantly blessed me and He continues to do it every day. I actually have nothing to honestly complain about and yet, I often do it.
So, I technically have two blogs. I had three, but I just deleted one, because I never wrote in it. I was trying to be so organized. One blog for separate trains of thought, but you know what, they have all merged. I have one track and it just runs several trains.
My husband is a one-train kind of guy. He gets going in one thought pattern and it is really hard to get that train to stop. Me, I can switch trains with a speed that not many can match. I often confuse and befuddle by husband by switching trains or maybe it is jumping tracks.
All of that to say, I am going to condense. I will just be using this blog for all of my mindless and hopefully, not so mindless, wanderings. Come wander with me any time you have a minute.

Why Does It Take So Long?

Do you ever feel like the lessons God is trying to teach do not "take" the first few times?

I do not know how many times I have been asked to have faith in God for something and I whine, complain, and tell Him "I do not understand", even though every time before He has made the way.

I hope I am learning. My family and I are about to reach the one year mark of my husband not having a full time job. It has been the most faith-challenging year I have ever experienced and yet, I know that I am in a much better place today than I was the day it all began.

God has proven Himself to be faithful over and over again. So why do I have any doubts? I truly cannot give you an answer.

In my logical mind, I know that I should not have any doubts, but somewhere in my illogical heart lives a weed. Every time we have a come to the test of faith I have pulled that weed, but every time I have missed a portion of the root. Why?

How do I get it all? I send this out to any of you who have experienced this. If you have insight, please enlighten me. I truly want to walk and no more doubt.

Be blessed!

One Moment

For all of you SAHMs, you know this is a very rare moment. My kids all stayed the night with other people and my husband is still asleep.

Honestly, life is really good at this moment. My house is quiet. Do you remember what that sounds like?! Most of the time, I do not, but it is here now.

It is the most beautiful sound. You can actually hear yourself think. You can hear your house sign and get comfortable for the day. There is peace in silence. I love it!!!

The reason being is that I am usually listening to one or more of our three girls telling me a story, telling on one of the other ones, asking me to go somewhere (that is just Bailee, our eleven-year-old, right now), making plans that will not possibly work out, etc.

It is amazing to me how much my children talk. It seems they are completely unable to keep their thoughts in. I do realize though this is better than them never talking to me, which is something I would never want.

So you say to me, Jess I thought this was suppose to be about God or something. Oh, it is, because He is found in the silence. I truly struggle to have a "Quiet Time" when there is no quiet.

Lately, I have just not had the energy to get out of bed before our girls. The two younger ones are up usually by 7, if not sooner.

So this morning, I spent some time with the Lord. We talked about life and how I was doing. I read His word and was given the promise that no matter how it looks right now. It will get better, because my inheritance is in Him. I just need to keep seeking Him.

This is about God, because I am nothing without Him and life is impossible without Him.

I hope you are all blessed today.

This is Shadow. We now have three cats. We are definitely done with the feline animals though. Next pet we may get will be a dog, but that is definitely for another day.

What do you think of him?

Independence

I think sometimes we are too concerned with our own independence. I know I have really been struggling with this lately.

My husband and I are going through a tough time right now, not with each other, just with our circumstances and I am finding it difficult to follow his lead. I know this is the way it should be, but I struggle.

We did not get married until we were both 25 and we both were comfortable with who we were. We did not see any reason for change. Our first year was a definite challenge. We also had a seven year old, so I thought I knew everything about being a parent and ... Well, I thought I was more mature and grounded than he was.

We are finding ourselves in that place again. We have been going through a financial struggle for over six months now and it just seems to get harder. We know our God is the God of breakthrough and it is coming, but we are being challenged in many areas through this circumstance.

Anyway, we are at a place again to expect more out of each other than is fair. Again I have found myself looking at my husband thinking I am more mature and grounded, but God is reminding me that is not the case.

I have to say Jeremy's and my communication skills have improved greatly over the last five years. We are much more willing to see things from the other person's views or at least let the other person have there say and try to understand.

I write all of this I guess to encourage those who may be going through something similar. God is good. I can see His hand all over our lives. Do not give up. We have not, even though it is hard.

Blessings on all of you,

Jess

Wordless Wednesday

I Return!!

So after more than two months of life overwhelming me, I am finding a moment to come back to you. Not that your here with me yet, but I hope you will return.

My life is filled with God given challenges right now. I remember the times when I would pray for my faith to be strengthened and challenged. I highly recommend you not praying that unless you are truly ready for God to meet you in that prayer.

Actually, I know we are never fully ready for the faith stretching experiences God puts in our paths, otherwise they would not be faith stretching, right?!

We, my husband and I, are in a process of refinement. I think I am especially feeling, but I know he is here with me.

For me, my parents and younger siblings are moving to Africa. My brother, Josh, one of my closest friends moved last fall. My brother, Jake, and his family will most likely only be here a year longer. My sister, Brandi, is in California right now. My sister, Brittney, is bound and determined to return to Canada where she spent a year. Our finances have been under the faith column for quite some time. My children have decided to grow and change faster than I am ready for. Life just seems to be a tornado around me right now.

I plan on pursuing God through this whole experience, not matter where it leads. I know God will use my growth to benefit others which is what I want more than anything.

I hope you will all stick around to enjoy the ride. Blessings today.