Sunday, January 20, 2008


I find that timing is everything in life. I wish I had better timing. So many times I am too early or too late in something. With relationships, I find that is definitely true. I wish I could be who I want to be for people.

With my mom gone I have really had to reevaluate who I am and how that affects others. I find it fairly ironic that I look like my mom in more ways than one, but I am definitely my father's daughter. I did not acquire many of the people skills that my mom has. I did, in fact, inherit much of the lack of people skills that my father has.

The amusing thing is that my husband really is not better than I am. How did that happen? Usually you find a balance in a marriage, one is very social and the other less social. That is not mine and Jeremy's marriage though. We both struggle with being social.

Not social in the sense that we do not want to be around people, more in the sense that neither one of us have really deep relationships with those outside of our family.

You know I am trying to express things that I have not fully developed in my brain. I guess I just write this to let you know that I am trying. Or at least, I am aware. I am not sure what to do about it, but God is in on it and hopefully he will have a fix for it soon.

God knows I need friends and so do I. I am just not sure how to cultivate them.
So here I am just recording my thoughts to hold myself accountable. For tonight I find that I have searched my soul enough. Maybe tomorrow will bring illumination to the questions and help in finding the answers.

1 comment:

Becky said...

So glad I popped back into your posted again:)

Well, first off....I really believe you will be blessed for being so open and transparent regarding this desire of your heart.

As adults, it can be a difficult thing to make new relationships....but it is not impossible.

I can relate to you in some ways in that I too keep myself at a certain distance from relationships. I have been in a few so-called friendships and they just end up being a big let down.

I think I will email the rest of this.....